Sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to do

My boss called

I got called into my boss's office one day. This was unusual because if he had something to share with me, he normally would save it for our weekly 1-on-1 meeting.

He invited me to sit down and immediately launched into an issue he had with staffing. He told me that Jennifer was going to be out for an extended period and wanted me to pick up her classes. He was asking me to teach Property Insurance 101.

I felt a strong resistance. I was NOT a content matter expert. I wanted nothing to do with teaching the principles of property insurance. I think he could immediately sense my discomfort.

"Can't you ask Ron to do it? He'd be much better at this than me."

"I've given him some but you need to step up and learn this. You'll have 3 weeks. Here is the facilitator guide. Let me know if you have any trouble."

Resistance

Apparently, this was not going to be a conversation where I had some say in the matter.

I was so upset. I took the book and went back to my desk. I was loath to do it. But I wasn't going to quit my job over it.

I'm sure you know this feeling. It feels like your freedom is taken away.

Depending on the situation and the person asking for your help, you can say "no" but other times you've got to suck-it-up (a saying my 9-year old granddaughter uses a lot), and just do it.

Comfort Zone

There are many different reasons why we resist but mostly we resist doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable.

For instance, if you're an introvert you may not like networking at all. There are even some extroverts who get uncomfortable walking into a room full of people they don't know.

I've spoken with many however, who even though they don't want to go, they push themselves to get out of their comfort zone and attend the event. They intend to find someone else like them, who is a 1:1 kind of person, and proceed to have a deep and meaningful conversation.

Have you ever gone to a work event out of obligation and ended up having a good time?

I've had participants tell me after a class how they were dreading coming to the class but are now, so glad that they did. And the best part of the class, they say, is small group discussions.

Practice Selflessness

So be open to letting go and releasing resistance. Decide to do the thing that stretches you instead of doing what is easy. Especially if it will be helpful to your spouse, your boss, or your friend.

This is the practice of turning selfishness into selflessness. It's a spiritual practice and it will give you a great feeling afterwards.

It's the practice of deciding to give instead of looking for what you can get.

I eventually did learn to teach that class and taught it for 3 months. Even though it was painful to learn, I felt good about doing it after I got comfortable with the topic.

You see I normally I taught mentoring, communication, presentation, and training skills but learning all about insurance was a real stretch for me.

In the long run, it worked out because I learned a valuable lesson about letting go of resistance. It would have been a lot easier for me if I didn't have such a bad attitude about it and resisted it so much.

The Comfort Zone

After that, I went back to college in my 40s and was "forced" to take classes that were mandatory to get my degree.

I can honestly say that once I let go of my resistance and dove into the dreaded topic, these experiences turned out to be some of the BEST classes in the whole curriculum.

I have a lot of compassion for people who don't want to get out of their comfort zone, but I won't collude with them in staying safe.

I think it's always better to expand your zone of comfort.

Expansion is the way to personal and professional growth in life. Learn to let go of your resistance and life will get much easier.

Honor Boundaries

On the flip side, if you are the person who is trying to get someone to do what they don't want to do, it's important to recognize resistance in others and respect another person's boundaries.

You can't MAKE somebody stretch. Nor should you bully them, shame them into doing it, or con them into it.

Respect personal boundaries. The best you can do is be a role model. If you experience resistance in another, use it as an opportunity to talk about it to understand the others' point of view.

This comes in handy in your love relationships as well.

Want to get along better with your significant other?

Discover your personality tendencies and that of your partner. Then you can more easily understand and honor their boundaries.